When asked in a recent interview with
Punch how a woman can have a
successful marriage, actress Omotola
said she doesn't believe in gender
equality and women should understand
that men are the heads of the family.
Omotola has been married for 18 years
so I think she qualifies to advise other
women. What she said below...
I don’t believe in gender equality. I
do not believe that God made man
and woman to be equal in any
way. I believe that in every
organised institution, there is
always a head and an assistant. It
doesn’t mean that one should take
the other for granted, or disrespect
the other. I believe the husband is
the head of the home and the wife
is an assistant. My husband is a
pilot, I have flown with him several
times and I understood that here is
a captain and a co-pilot. They are
both responsible for the
passengers’ lives. But when there
is a final decision to make, it is up
to the captain to make it. He is
more experienced and the one with
the responsibility. But any mature
captain will not ignore his co-pilot
because the co-pilot is not a cabin
attendant. He is there for a reason.
It just depends on how you
understand and play your roles. I
believe women should understand
this. When a woman starts a
struggle for power tussle with him,
it tends to cause friction in the
home. The woman should give the
man the respect as the head of the
home and also prove herself as a
worthy co-pilot. He needs to see
you as a reliable co-pilot.
Continue..
Sometimes, he may not be the one
running the house day-to-day, you
are the one to take decisions but
you have to do it in such a manner
that he is comfortable enough to
see you as someone he can rely
on. When you have a proud and
egocentric husband, hand him
over to God. If you feel like your
life is being threatened, or that of
your children, get yourself out of
that situation. You owe your
children that. Try separation for a
while, but before that, you must
have tried other things. I do not
believe that people should throw in
the towel in their marriage at every
flimsy excuse. You must have been
a diligent wife and tried prayers
and intervention. If all those fail,
then you can remove yourself from
that situation. Also, couples
should be friends and
communicate. What we call love
sometimes fizzles out. True love
comes from friendship. When you
don’t feel those initial sparks,
friendship is what keeps you
together, until when the spark
comes again.
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and
untouched. I decided to start with
someone who hadn’t seen the world yet.
Omotola: He was good looking but
basically, it was his sense of humour
and sense of responsibility. He is God-
fearing too and a serious-minded
person.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when
she was 16 and I was 26. We got
married when she was 18. She clocked
36 recently. We were family friends and I
met her through my elder sister. She
used to come around the house and
when she turned 18, I decided she was
ripe. I told her I would marry her and she
didn’t believe. I went to tell her late
mother, who said I should wait till after
four years because Tola had just gained
admission to the university then. I told
the mother that I couldn’t wait because I
didn’t trust the guys in the university.
How did he propose?
Omotola: That was when I turned 18. We
had been friends for about two years. He
was like a family friend then but I knew
he had some plans. He didn’t say
anything serious and I was somehow
underage. When I turned 18, on my
birthday, he jokingly said, ‘babes you
don grow o.’ He told me his plan.
Were you scared of getting married then?
Omotola: I wasn’t. I have always been
very mature for my age. But otherwise, I
had already known him for so long and
was very comfortable with him. I just
knew that life with him would be
comfortable and easy. I didn’t know I
would conform to a marriage setting
because my mother used to tell me that I
was very headstrong. I just thank God
that I found someone who could
understand me.
How has the journey been for 18 years?
Omotola: Nothing has changed really. It
is still the same relaxed, easy-going
relationship. There are times when we
have misunderstandings but it is never
anything serious or unbelievably scary. It
has been the grace and fear of God.
Everything results in what God thinks
about the situations and we pray about
it. Everyone is conscious of the fact that
we must respect God in the relationship
and then your spouse. We don’t just do
things. Secondly, we are very grounded
and real. We try the best we can to make
everything natural. We don’t stress
ourselves.
How did you manage the fame?
Omotola: It is just by God’s grace. If a
couple cooperates with God, then He
gives them the grace to tolerate each
other.
How do you react to alleged scandals
about your wife?
Matthew: I have heard and seen a lot that
were untrue about her. I trust her. I know
they will always write a lot of nonsense,
why should I bother myself?
How do you feel when she plays romantic
roles in movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They
are not real and most of her movies are
pecks and not kisses. I told her not to
cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful
marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are
disciplined and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no
other strategy. One person can be
perfect and the second person can be
nasty. On our part, I’d say also that we
don’t look at the relationship as
something we can walk away from. We
look at it as a life commitment. When
you parents upset you, you cannot
divorce them. Even the bible says you
will leave your father and your mother
and cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he
doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I
don’t have any major thing to complain
about, and I hope it is the same thing for
him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very
argumentative. She always wants to be
right. You can never win an argument
with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I
usually apologise first. He doesn’t say
sorry. Overtime, I have come to realise
that it is an ego problem. Even when he
knows he is wrong, he will rather do
every other thing or buy things for me
than say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Fortunately, the
‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very
responsible and more hardworking than
me. By God’s grace, we have been able
to understand our routine.
What is your advice to celebrity couples?
Matthew: Foundation really matters.
Some people get into the relationship for
one wrong motive or the other. Most of
them live false lives. Couples that are in
the same profession hardly last in a
marriage. There is always competition.
The best thing is to marry someone that
is compatible with you.
What are the reasons for break up in
celebrity marriages?
Omotola: It is really hard but you both
have to feel extremely secure. You have
to be extremely confident and trust each
other. There are so many things to deal
with, especially in this environment
where some people just thrive in hurting
other people. The weird part is that you
cannot believe that people are capable of
such wickedness. You are sane and
cannot believe other people are insane.
These are the things that cause break up
in celebrity marriages. A lot of people are
talking and saying nasty things that are
not true. It is just as if there is a gang up
to break you up once they know you are
a celebrity or in a relationship. Most
times, they are all lies! Celebrity lifestyle
gossip is getting to a point where they
are getting close to your kids and family.
They try to put your relationship in
jeopardy. Then, petty things that
wouldn’t cause any problems become
issues. I hope there would be legislation
that will protect families.
Have you ever felt threatened by her
success?
Matthew: There is no reason or room for
it. When I met her, she was just Omotola
Jalade, and she had done just one
movie. I am happy for her. When I met
her, she was just getting into the movie
industry. I always encourage her and
hope for the best. I don’t feel threatened
in any way.
How do you switch from the lifestyle of a
celebrity to that of a wife?
Omotola: It is easy for me. It starts with
who you truly are. The real me is not very
glamorous. People may not believe it. I
know what people’s perception can be. I
am a homely person. If I had my way, I
wouldn’t go out. When I am at home, I
am Omotola. When I am with my close
friends, we don’t impress each other and
we try to keep it very real.
With the children, who is stricter?
Matthew: She is. We are blessed with
kids that behave themselves. We do not
have children that are into all sort of
funny things.
How about the recent warning to bloggers
about your daughter’s pictures?
Matthew: I do not know why they would
do that but it is just another lesson for
the kids to be very careful about what
they put out there. Actually, she did it
with the intent of exchanging with her
friends, not knowing that people will get
into her private business. We have told
her to take down all the pictures and
leave only one.
How do you handle finance in your
marriage?
Matthew: When we first started, we had
one account. We had goals and things
that we wanted to do. Whatever we
earned had to be in one purse. Then, we
sat at the end of the month and drew a
budget. We did that for so many years
and were successful until she started her
own company and we decided she
needed to have her own account. In most
marriages, the man goes into the
marriage with the mindset that he will be
the sole provider even when the wife is
working. That does not make any sense.
He uses his money to pay bills while the
woman will use hers to buy only make-
up, clothes and shoes. If the couple is
one, they should join resources together
to move ahead. Money causes problems
in a family when one person is being
selfish. It doesn’t matter who earns more
or less. They should have a common
goal. Save together and accomplish
things together.
Omotola: When we first started, we used
to have a joint account and I was in
charge of the finances. But as time went
on, he started expanding. He has his
own businesses and I have my own too.
It is very difficult keeping a joint
account. One of the things that scare
couples about finance is trust. Luckily
for us, we do not have vices. The trust is
intact and I know how he spends money.
He is more organised than I am. He has
his budgets and it is always open.
Sometimes, he even tells his kids to go
and look at his budget because he is
trying to teach them how to make
budgets. Pilots are every meticulous
about schedules. For that reason, his life
is almost boring because everything is
to the letter. I am the one who never has
a budget because I am a spontaneous
person. But he knows I am not a trivial
person. I don’t just go about buying
jewellery. That’s why I don’t have many
girlfriends because I don’t talk about
those things girls talk about. I am like a
dude. I am always checking out cars or
properties. He knows the kind of things I
would invest my money on.
Read the rest of the interview on Punch
Punch how a woman can have a
successful marriage, actress Omotola
said she doesn't believe in gender
equality and women should understand
that men are the heads of the family.
Omotola has been married for 18 years
so I think she qualifies to advise other
women. What she said below...
I don’t believe in gender equality. I
do not believe that God made man
and woman to be equal in any
way. I believe that in every
organised institution, there is
always a head and an assistant. It
doesn’t mean that one should take
the other for granted, or disrespect
the other. I believe the husband is
the head of the home and the wife
is an assistant. My husband is a
pilot, I have flown with him several
times and I understood that here is
a captain and a co-pilot. They are
both responsible for the
passengers’ lives. But when there
is a final decision to make, it is up
to the captain to make it. He is
more experienced and the one with
the responsibility. But any mature
captain will not ignore his co-pilot
because the co-pilot is not a cabin
attendant. He is there for a reason.
It just depends on how you
understand and play your roles. I
believe women should understand
this. When a woman starts a
struggle for power tussle with him,
it tends to cause friction in the
home. The woman should give the
man the respect as the head of the
home and also prove herself as a
worthy co-pilot. He needs to see
you as a reliable co-pilot.
Continue..
Sometimes, he may not be the one
running the house day-to-day, you
are the one to take decisions but
you have to do it in such a manner
that he is comfortable enough to
see you as someone he can rely
on. When you have a proud and
egocentric husband, hand him
over to God. If you feel like your
life is being threatened, or that of
your children, get yourself out of
that situation. You owe your
children that. Try separation for a
while, but before that, you must
have tried other things. I do not
believe that people should throw in
the towel in their marriage at every
flimsy excuse. You must have been
a diligent wife and tried prayers
and intervention. If all those fail,
then you can remove yourself from
that situation. Also, couples
should be friends and
communicate. What we call love
sometimes fizzles out. True love
comes from friendship. When you
don’t feel those initial sparks,
friendship is what keeps you
together, until when the spark
comes again.
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and
untouched. I decided to start with
someone who hadn’t seen the world yet.
Omotola: He was good looking but
basically, it was his sense of humour
and sense of responsibility. He is God-
fearing too and a serious-minded
person.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when
she was 16 and I was 26. We got
married when she was 18. She clocked
36 recently. We were family friends and I
met her through my elder sister. She
used to come around the house and
when she turned 18, I decided she was
ripe. I told her I would marry her and she
didn’t believe. I went to tell her late
mother, who said I should wait till after
four years because Tola had just gained
admission to the university then. I told
the mother that I couldn’t wait because I
didn’t trust the guys in the university.
How did he propose?
Omotola: That was when I turned 18. We
had been friends for about two years. He
was like a family friend then but I knew
he had some plans. He didn’t say
anything serious and I was somehow
underage. When I turned 18, on my
birthday, he jokingly said, ‘babes you
don grow o.’ He told me his plan.
Were you scared of getting married then?
Omotola: I wasn’t. I have always been
very mature for my age. But otherwise, I
had already known him for so long and
was very comfortable with him. I just
knew that life with him would be
comfortable and easy. I didn’t know I
would conform to a marriage setting
because my mother used to tell me that I
was very headstrong. I just thank God
that I found someone who could
understand me.
How has the journey been for 18 years?
Omotola: Nothing has changed really. It
is still the same relaxed, easy-going
relationship. There are times when we
have misunderstandings but it is never
anything serious or unbelievably scary. It
has been the grace and fear of God.
Everything results in what God thinks
about the situations and we pray about
it. Everyone is conscious of the fact that
we must respect God in the relationship
and then your spouse. We don’t just do
things. Secondly, we are very grounded
and real. We try the best we can to make
everything natural. We don’t stress
ourselves.
How did you manage the fame?
Omotola: It is just by God’s grace. If a
couple cooperates with God, then He
gives them the grace to tolerate each
other.
How do you react to alleged scandals
about your wife?
Matthew: I have heard and seen a lot that
were untrue about her. I trust her. I know
they will always write a lot of nonsense,
why should I bother myself?
How do you feel when she plays romantic
roles in movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They
are not real and most of her movies are
pecks and not kisses. I told her not to
cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful
marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are
disciplined and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no
other strategy. One person can be
perfect and the second person can be
nasty. On our part, I’d say also that we
don’t look at the relationship as
something we can walk away from. We
look at it as a life commitment. When
you parents upset you, you cannot
divorce them. Even the bible says you
will leave your father and your mother
and cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he
doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I
don’t have any major thing to complain
about, and I hope it is the same thing for
him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very
argumentative. She always wants to be
right. You can never win an argument
with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I
usually apologise first. He doesn’t say
sorry. Overtime, I have come to realise
that it is an ego problem. Even when he
knows he is wrong, he will rather do
every other thing or buy things for me
than say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Fortunately, the
‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very
responsible and more hardworking than
me. By God’s grace, we have been able
to understand our routine.
What is your advice to celebrity couples?
Matthew: Foundation really matters.
Some people get into the relationship for
one wrong motive or the other. Most of
them live false lives. Couples that are in
the same profession hardly last in a
marriage. There is always competition.
The best thing is to marry someone that
is compatible with you.
What are the reasons for break up in
celebrity marriages?
Omotola: It is really hard but you both
have to feel extremely secure. You have
to be extremely confident and trust each
other. There are so many things to deal
with, especially in this environment
where some people just thrive in hurting
other people. The weird part is that you
cannot believe that people are capable of
such wickedness. You are sane and
cannot believe other people are insane.
These are the things that cause break up
in celebrity marriages. A lot of people are
talking and saying nasty things that are
not true. It is just as if there is a gang up
to break you up once they know you are
a celebrity or in a relationship. Most
times, they are all lies! Celebrity lifestyle
gossip is getting to a point where they
are getting close to your kids and family.
They try to put your relationship in
jeopardy. Then, petty things that
wouldn’t cause any problems become
issues. I hope there would be legislation
that will protect families.
Have you ever felt threatened by her
success?
Matthew: There is no reason or room for
it. When I met her, she was just Omotola
Jalade, and she had done just one
movie. I am happy for her. When I met
her, she was just getting into the movie
industry. I always encourage her and
hope for the best. I don’t feel threatened
in any way.
How do you switch from the lifestyle of a
celebrity to that of a wife?
Omotola: It is easy for me. It starts with
who you truly are. The real me is not very
glamorous. People may not believe it. I
know what people’s perception can be. I
am a homely person. If I had my way, I
wouldn’t go out. When I am at home, I
am Omotola. When I am with my close
friends, we don’t impress each other and
we try to keep it very real.
With the children, who is stricter?
Matthew: She is. We are blessed with
kids that behave themselves. We do not
have children that are into all sort of
funny things.
How about the recent warning to bloggers
about your daughter’s pictures?
Matthew: I do not know why they would
do that but it is just another lesson for
the kids to be very careful about what
they put out there. Actually, she did it
with the intent of exchanging with her
friends, not knowing that people will get
into her private business. We have told
her to take down all the pictures and
leave only one.
How do you handle finance in your
marriage?
Matthew: When we first started, we had
one account. We had goals and things
that we wanted to do. Whatever we
earned had to be in one purse. Then, we
sat at the end of the month and drew a
budget. We did that for so many years
and were successful until she started her
own company and we decided she
needed to have her own account. In most
marriages, the man goes into the
marriage with the mindset that he will be
the sole provider even when the wife is
working. That does not make any sense.
He uses his money to pay bills while the
woman will use hers to buy only make-
up, clothes and shoes. If the couple is
one, they should join resources together
to move ahead. Money causes problems
in a family when one person is being
selfish. It doesn’t matter who earns more
or less. They should have a common
goal. Save together and accomplish
things together.
Omotola: When we first started, we used
to have a joint account and I was in
charge of the finances. But as time went
on, he started expanding. He has his
own businesses and I have my own too.
It is very difficult keeping a joint
account. One of the things that scare
couples about finance is trust. Luckily
for us, we do not have vices. The trust is
intact and I know how he spends money.
He is more organised than I am. He has
his budgets and it is always open.
Sometimes, he even tells his kids to go
and look at his budget because he is
trying to teach them how to make
budgets. Pilots are every meticulous
about schedules. For that reason, his life
is almost boring because everything is
to the letter. I am the one who never has
a budget because I am a spontaneous
person. But he knows I am not a trivial
person. I don’t just go about buying
jewellery. That’s why I don’t have many
girlfriends because I don’t talk about
those things girls talk about. I am like a
dude. I am always checking out cars or
properties. He knows the kind of things I
would invest my money on.
Read the rest of the interview on Punch
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